7th May 2015
My majestic, magnificent, masterful, manly man!
Happy Election Day! I’m on tenterhooks, darling. What is going to happen? (Please forgive my over-exuberance, I’m a little drunk.)
You see, (and this is why I haven’t written to you since the last budget) I was so determined to take advantage of the lovely gesture that Giddy made of taking a penny off beer, that I have spent the last few months consuming a thousand pints and can now proudly say that, because of George Osborne, I am now ten pounds richer! (Ignoring, of course, the £2,500+ in tax credits he took away from me, but I forgave him long ago for that. We’re all in this together, remember.)
Mind you, I probably shouldn’t have downed that last pint in one go just before heading to the booths. I think I may have thrown up on my local Tory candidate. Oops.
Anyway, I’m just going to email this as my printer doesn’t work because I know you’ll eventually get to see it and you’ll know that I’m still behind you all the way, hoping you’ll break a leg. And if, in a million to one chance, you’re no longer in Number 10 come tomorrow, you will forward me your new address won’t you darling? But you will be victorious, darling. I know you will.
How fitting that it’s VE Day tomorrow. In time to come they’ll name today VD Day!