13th May 2015
Hello my little pink flip-flop,
I had the most wonderful idea for you, my cherubim. I was sitting pondering yesterday what new tactics you will be able to come up with to distract people from the bigger picture whilst you slowly sell off the NHS and strip everyone’s rights away. You know how you and old Rupert have somehow managed to get everyone to hate, well, just about everyone? Well, during the election there was this highly un-PC and quite offensive epithet being bandied around: the ‘Leftard’. (At the time it did occur to me that actually, ‘Rightard’ would work much better, but that would never do.)
Anyway, everyone already hates anyone who can’t find a job, is terminally ill or who is desperately trying to claim the lavish overpayments of benefits that they’ve paid into for their entire lives, so who next?
Obviously it can’t be the corporations because we love them, or those lovely fox hunters, because we love them too, but why not, wait for it, the lefties? I mean, not those awful Labour voters because we already hate them, but the left-handed people? (You probably know them as sinistral because you is right well ejookated like.)
Anyway, you somehow managed to get lots of folk highly suspicious of disabled folk and literally spitting at those who can’t afford to eat, so I thought maybe lefties could be despised for having left-oriented brains, often having quite poor handwriting and of course, cruelty to cute animals. Except not foxes because we hate those little bastards. No, I mean cruelty to Corgi puppies and Foxhounds. It could be front page news with a small page 7 retraction a few weeks later, by which time the damage would be done.
Mwahaha, darling. It’s a cunning plan. Even more cunning than a fox with a bushy tail.