6th November 2014
My brave Dave,
I just wanted to write to you today and offer some support because I know you´re still a little shaken up by that incident last week when that jogger ran straight into you on the street, prompting all sorts of security breach hoo-ha. And it´s all the more affecting because you know it could´ve been far worse. He could´ve been a terrorist, or worse – a scrounging jobseeker. No, a foreign scrounging jobseeker. Eww, can you imagine? *shudder* So, please darling, you do need to take your security more seriously, what with all those people out there who would probably like to see your handsome head on a stick, like that horrible Keith man, or perhaps the entire readership of any of the balanced newspapers combined.
Okay, so you´re not the best Prime Minister that ever was; you are guilty of breaking almost every pre-election promise you´ve ever made (not to mention some laws too); you´ve been caught lying on your latest Tory pamphlet on the economy, spreading a little more scrounger-hate by suggesting we spend more on welfare than we do on pensions after a little `creative accounting´ (naughty, naughty); poor Giddy`s stubborn tactic of cutting public investment has caused all income from taxes to drop putting him right on track to missing every single one of his deficit targets; and the electorate are pretty hopping mad because UK wages have fallen continuously since you took over, (unless you´re in the top 1% where the number of billionaires have doubled); but darling, that doesn´t mean you are a crap Prime Minister. I have mountains of washing that needs folding and putting away all over the house, but that doesn´t make me a crap housewife. I do the necessaries. And when I find it a bit hard going I shove everything into the spare room, shut the door, and pretend it just doesn´t exist. Like you do with poverty.
Do let me know when you`re going to be in my area, darling. I´ve been known to jog a little and I know you wouldn´t mind a quick bump if it was from me. 🙂
All my love,