29th May 2014


My precious pumpkin,

You’ll be so glad to hear that I’m recovering slowly from my awful ear, sinus and chest infection. Thank you so much for the fruit basket, you thoughtful dear. Unfortunately it must have gone to someone else by accident, but I know the thought was there and I know you missed me like a crazed lovesick fool.

I missed you, darling, like a woman left bereft at the loss of her hat during Ascot, and what I missed most is your sense of humour. I really lolled yesterday when reading an article in the Independent about child poverty, and how millions of British children’s futures are being ‘written off by poverty’. The case study in the article was a young couple; he a working Dad, she a part-time studying Mum. They basically have no money.

What made me laugh though was your spokesperson’s response, which was something along the lines of ‘Universal Credit is going to be awesome, and by the way, there are 100,000 fewer children living in workless poor families now.’ Oh, my darling, it seems that your spokespeople can’t even be bothered to deny it anymore, because the article was nothing to do with the workless poor, really. It was just about the poor, and as you know, two thirds of children living in poverty are from working households.

Oh, how I lolled though, because darling, now you’re not even faking as if you care. It is absolutely wonderful to see you so boldly blaming the dole scum for making children poor. All children. Everywhere. In fact, everything is their fault. Everywhere. Right? Yes, I thought so. ROFL!

Katy Anchant


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