20th March 2014


Good morning my lovely,

You must congratulate Giddy for me for another fine Budget. You boys should all be congratulated in fact. You certainly have your finger of the pulse of what hardworking people really want – 10% off bingo tax and 1p off beer. The fact this will have no effect on actual bingo winnings and will mean the average drinker would have to consume about 350 pints to get one free is neither here nor there because the sentiment is what counts. You are helping hardworking people do what they enjoy doing most – getting wrecked at the bingo.

Of course, as a disabled pleb I can’t go to the bingo, but I’m sure it’s very popular. I’m quite sure you’ve definitely struck a chord with a large proportion of the electorate. I may not know anybody who actually does bingo, but I wouldn’t take that to mean anything, I mean I know only a few thousand people, what do I know?

And don’t pay any mind to the whole furore that’s erupted over Twitter – the fact that Grant Shapps’ tweet “to help hardworking people do more of the things they enjoy” was treated as satire because it was thought that not even a Tory could be so out of touch, is pretty inconsequential because nobody uses Twitter, right?

Fancy a pint after work at the local Mecca, darling? What’s the closest one to Whitehall?


Katy Anchant


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