23rd January 2014


23rd January 2014

Hi babe,

Oh, bum bum! Liverpool Council are apparently reporting you to the United Nations because you could be breaking international laws on keeping people out of poverty! Obviously they’re all leftie weirdos who are worried about their Mums being sanctioned or something – the very cheek of it. At least it’s only Liverpool and I’m sure they won’t be taken seriously. After all, it’s Liverpool. Do they even have running water there?

As for all of these people living in poverty, you can almost guarantee that none of them are even trying to get jobs, and without a doubt no one affected by poverty is actually in work already. And how much do you want to bet that these poverty stricken people have flatscreen TVs? Okay, so you can’t actually buy non-flatscreen tellies any more (I think a lot of the old fat ones have broken by now – I know mine did several years ago), and most of them have probably had to open a dodgy catalogue account to get one in the first place, but still. People who are poor simply shouldn’t have tellies, end of. I’ve gone off topic haven’t I? Forgive me darling, but I get so cross about these ‘poor’ (read: ‘lazy and stupid’) people complaining about stuff.

Anyway, hopefully the police will soon be able to use water cannons to deal with austerity protests. I’d say try them first on the Labour nuts in Liverpool, and maybe some benefit claimants for good measure, just to keep them in their places, and especially the claimants with flatscreen TVs.

What do you reckon darling?

Katy Anchant


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