14th January 2014


14th January 2014

My beloved witty opener,

I am so thrilled for you! Inflation is down and is exactly where you wanted it to be. This is such wonderful news, and all the more wonderful because it’s been caused by a slow-down in food prices, particularly meat and fruit. Okay, so bread now costs about five times what it did a couple of years ago, and I personally couldn’t comment on the price of fruit and meat because I daren’t look at the prices nowadays and always buy the value stuff, but go you! Yay!

You’ve got to laugh at Millipede’s timing, haven’t you? He’s just come out with some drivel about middle class families facing a crisis of confidence over living standards, but as ever, you sexy thing, you just bat that piece of bullsh*t right back at him. Where’s the crisis? Steak only went up to £8 last month! And as for his assertion that “their children’s prospects must also be urgently addressed”, what on Earth is he on about now? Thanks to IDS every single child in this country has a wonderful future, because even if they can’t get a job, or at least one that they actually quite like, they will get to go and do workfare and gain rich and wonderful experiences in the workplace.

Plus also, you know, I’m pretty middle class myself and I simply cannot wait to have my children living at home until they’re nearly middle aged, working hard and getting on, saving two years’ full salary as a deposit and another half a year’s salary for Stamp Duty (while I continue to pay for their clothes and do their haircuts for them). It’s that kind of thing that keeps families close, my darling, and I for one have every confidence in everything that you ever say or do, because you are utterly superb, beautiful and wonderful.

My daughter says “Hi!”

Katy Anchant


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