3rd December 2013

Discernible Dave,

Darling sometimes when I get a little stuck as to what to write to you about I do a little Google search on what you’ve been up to. For the last couple of days it’s just been China this, China that, and where I know that’s all of vital importance to all of us over here, it’s not a subject I can offer you much insight on despite having half-Chinese children. You see, their father is British-born making him more of an ornamental oriental (and also not a patch on you, my love).

Anyway, what I found when I typed the word ‘is’ at the end of your name in the search bar did shock me a little: I got …is an idiot,…is a fascist, …is jokes. Is jokes? You see, you’re engaging the youth in politics. That can only be a good thing. Who says you’re the party for the rich? It would only take a touch of rebranding (and I could certainly help with that) and your new election slogan could be: “Nuff sweet gov, bruv!”

And when I typed ‘why is’ before your name, what came out was quite bizarre. The most popular result was “Why is David Cameron Prime Minister?” Surely everyone knows the answer to that: Nick Clegg. But of course, also because you’re awesome.

And when I type “Is David Cameron…” I got …dead? …evil? and …Scottish? It’s such a shame how these vicious rumours get around. In fact, I blame Google. Of course you’re not dead. And I will fight to the death anyone who would besmirch your good name by saying you are in any way, shape or form, Scottish.

I suggest creating a search engine all your own and making it default on everyone’s browser so from now on whenever anyone searches ”Why is David Cameron..” they’ll only get “… not King of everything?” or ” …on such a low wage?”

All my love always and keep it real, G! (G stands for ‘gangsta’, not Google. Google is jokes.)

Katy Anchant

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