12th November 2013


Diplomatic Dave,

I was just scrolling through the news today and saw a rather disturbing image, but it turned out it was just Ed Milliband. He was doing an interview on the BBC for a subject that has become an important and increasingly critical issue. It’s an issue that could affect millions of lives, an issue that he swears he would stamp out should Labour win the next election. I was worried because this issue is such a serious one I wouldn’t want Ed to win too many political points over it as frankly I thought the Conservatives would want to do something about it too.

It’s advertising by payday loan lenders on children’s television.

You boys in Westminster prove time and time again that you do indeed have your finger on the pulse of Britain. You just seem to have a knack for identifying the biggest problems that are affecting the day to day lives of ordinary hardworking people. I don’t know how you do it. You know, ever since my kids started seeing those adverts, they’ve started changing up their Christmas list. My seven year old boy no longer wants a Nerf Gun or a Nintendo 3DS. All he wants is a Wonga loan. All I hear day in day out is “four thousand two hundred and fourteen percent APR”. My daughter is no better, although she’d prefer a QuickQuid loan; muttering something about ‘flexi-credit’.

I really do think you should get behind this issue. Targeting children is just wrong. Of course, it’s child’s play getting a Wonga loan. You just need some card, double-sided sticky tape and some glitter glue. I can see an epidemic of elephantine proportions happening. If I had my way, children shouldn’t get one at all until they’re at least eleven years of age. You know, I think coming out and condemning this sort of thing would go a long way to limiting the point-scoring Ed is getting through this and would make you look like the truly compassionate champion of the people that you are.

On a personal note, did you know that it’s been a year since I started writing to you? Although I’m no longer worried about receiving replies as I know how busy you are and I know you like to keep the letters our little secret, I would still like to remind you that I’m freely available to take up a position somewhere on your back bench? I’m not expensive and am extremely flexible.

Forever yours.

Katy Anchant


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