1st October 2013

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/conservative-party-conference-george-osborne-2324930 http://www.theguardian.com/society/2013/sep/30/iain-duncan-smith-sick-disabled-benefits

Delightful Dave,

I don’t think I’ve ever been more excited. I mean EVER. Your keynote speech at the Tory Party conference is only a day away! After seeing George’s wonderful speech, (you looked so proud of your little Giddy) I’m so glad you seem to be sticking to your guns regarding the policies you’ve been championing. One might think that 50,000 people showing up at your conference in protest over the massive cuts to welfare, the privatisation of the NHS, the bedroom tax, unfair work capability assessments, HS2, the badger cull, workfare, austerity measures, cuts to every conceivable public service, the public sector pay freeze and redundancies, the selling off of Royal Mail, Iain Duncan-Smith’s right to exist etc, might make you tone things down a little bit. But no. In fact, it’s made you boys get even MORE extreme, with the announcement that the public spending freeze will continue for 10 years instead of 8, and that workfare will be extended to become a compulsory measure for everyone who the work programme has failed – that’s about 9 out of 10 long term unemployed – and a third of them will be made to do community service, including cleaning up graffiti and picking up poo. Bravo, my darling.

While those found guilty of drink-driving, theft, or assault charges can be given a maximum of 300 hours of community service, those that can’t find a job are going to be given indefinite sentences until they CAN find a job and with 1 in 5 unable to find work after 2 years, that could be a sentence of about 3,000 hours of shit-shovelling and bin cleaning.

Money will be saved all round as anyone who can possibly get by without the help, (some of whom would have paid taxes and National Insurance their whole working lives to pay for circumstances such as these) will decide it’s just not worth it and just stop claiming; those that can’t afford the daily travel to their placement or jobcentre will have their benefits stopped; and for those found fit for work but not actually fit enough for daily hard labour (i.e. almost all of them), well, they usually find more drastic ways to end their suffering, and they’ll no longer be a burden to anyone!

With about two and a half million out of work and only half a million jobs to go round, it’s basic maths that most of the unemployed will stay unemployed and of course, thousands of people already in work will lose their jobs (as happened when a similar programme was tried in the US) because of all the free labour, and that will mean even less jobs for the unemployed, putting even more people on to the work programme, resulting in even more free labour, resulting in incredibly clean, shit-free streets, graffiti-free walls and well stocked pound stores, and the only people getting something for nothing will be the hardworking businesses, which is the way it should be.

You know, I think most of these scrounger thugs will actually take to this new ‘Help to Work’ programme because if you think about it, they could get drunk, beat some guy up and nick their car and it wouldn’t make the slightest difference to the sentence they were already carrying out.

Anyway, got to go, Jeremy Kyle’s on. I wish you well for tomorrow, my love. I hope you break a leg!

Katy Anchant


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