11th September 2013


Dynamic Dave,

I was so glad to see young Giddy back in the news again this week with a long-awaited speech on how his magnificent long-suffering austerity plan is finally working. With the economy showing a small overall percentage increase over the past 11 months, (4 of those months showing negative values unfortunately, but we shan’t talk about those) he can finally say “I was right and everyone else was wrong!” Yay. I’m so happy for him. And I’m glad that this news is being broadcast far and wide by The Telegraph, the BBC and other highly principled and unbiased news outlets.

I do marvel though, my darling, at how the fact that this is the slowest recovery of any recession in all of history (including the Great Depression), doesn’t seem to make any headlines whatsoever. We haven’t even reached pre-recession levels yet and it’s been five years, so isn’t citing a small uptick in economic fortune as a vindication of five years of austerity a little like a doctor taking credit for healing a broken leg? To take the analogy further, this particular patient is still walking with a severe limp and, considering the year’s ups and downs, can’t seem to make it much further than 20 metres. Even IDS himself would declare this particular subject ‘unfit for work’.

Although, facts should never really get in the way of a good speech, mind. Wages may be continuously falling, homelessness may be on a historical rise, high unemployment levels may be set to stay for at least another five years, spending on social security may still be climbing despite devastating cuts, the standard of living may be falling across the country, but Britain is indeed “turning a corner”. It may be up shit creek, but it’s definitely turning a corner.

Please congratulate George for me.

Katy Anchant


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