My little button mushroom,
I know you haven’t had much of a chance to read my letters lately as you’ve undoubtedly been getting all geared up for the Conservative Party conference this weekend. How exciting! And what an agenda!
Giddy’s going to talk about how he singlehandedly wrestled the economy from the brink of death in the longest fight for recovery in recorded history. And he’s going to point out that the upward trend is set to continue, to magnificent applause. Three cheers! Mind you, he’s unlikely to say that the only way he’s going to achieve this is by selling-off public property, like Royal Mail and Lloyds Bank, just a bit at a time – like adding wood to the fire. Hopefully he won’t run out of timber by the 2015 election. You’ll help him, darling won’t you?
Michael Gove is undoubtedly going to talk about how the fantastic changes he’s made have added to the public purse. Like the selling off of 50 playing school fields in just three years and the privatisation (sorry, “academisation”) of well over half the country’s secondary schools, thereby putting their facilities and grounds into government hands, making them ripe for the selling too. Of course, in the audience there’ll most likely be major Tory party donors, Philip Harris (of Harris Academies) and John Nash (of Future Academies) – nudge, nudge – who’ll no doubt give dear Pob a standing ovation.
Iain will be there too, of course, with a speech entitled “Making Work Pay”. He’ll most probably use this speech to point out how the raising of the tax threshold has given working people a whole new lease on life (and not merely just enough to get one extra kebab a week) and that the only people being punished, sorry not punished, ‘encouraged’ with cuts are the ones lying in bed all day with Pot Noodles and a remote control. He probably won’t mention the fact that the majority of the people affected by the cuts are already in work, and his cuts to Working Tax Credit, Child Tax Credit, Housing Benefit, Child Benefit, Maternity Pay, Paternity Pay, Council Tax Benefit and Statutory Sick Pay has reduced the income to 90% of families with children, in or out of work.
Grant Shapps will open the conference but probably won’t mention that the UN rejected his complaint about that Rolnik woman, who obviously had a bias. How else would you explain someone standing up for the human rights of disabled people?
And you, well you darling, I’m sure you’ll just knock them dead.