29th July 2013

29th July 2013

My Lord and Master,

You know how I’ve always said you should be in movies? Well, I heard George Lucas is going to be in town soon filming the new Star Wars film. If you ask, I’m sure there’ll still be a role for you, my lovely. You would be so amazing as a Dark Sith Lord. No-one would expect it, what with your cherubic features and real life soft heart.

What made me think of this – as well as all this talk of deviant porn recently and at having just watched Star Whores – was the fact that you can be such an evil genius! Who would ever have guessed that the rich minority could cause a global financial meltdown, place the blame on the poor majority, and then punish them for it? It’s better than any fiction!

You remind me a bit of Darth Vader (don’t worry, I always found Vader sexy, I think it was all that heavy breathing) in that the Death Star is built with such a gaping flaw that one mere photon torpedo causes it to explode! And Darth, who was second in command to the man charged with its construction, gets none of the blame. In fact, he gets promoted! By the time of the next movie, he’s not only still a Right Hon. Member of the Dark Side, he’s Secretary of State for Sports and Culture. And the poor minions in suits, charged with the Death Star’s protection, as well as a multitude of other activities like doing the Emperor’s laundry and formation calisthenics, well they take the blame for having to use valuable resources by having to eat and drink.

If you like, I can have a word with George. He owes me a little favour or two. Oh come on, who can blame me? The man has his own Boba Fett costume!

Katy Anchant


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