28th July 2013


My Master Builder,

Finally, some good news: Britain is “on the mend” according to George, with a 0.6% growth figure for the last three months. The fact that the austerity programme has so far missed every predicted target, deadline and outcome so far can be treated as old news because of this new statistic. The fact that many other Eurozone countries have managed full recovery to above pre-crisis levels some time ago while Britain is nowhere near, can also be ignored. The fact that in the last three years, Britain has only managed 2% growth, when it took only a single year to achieve the same amount under the previous government, is also irrelevant. What matters is, the boy did good. It’s finally coming together.

And I’m glad to see, as usual, you’re taking full credit for the good statistics while blaming all the bad ones on the “mess left behind by Labour”. Now darling, I know I’ve said it before, but that phrase is getting a bit old. In fact, even by saying that, I’m seriously stretching the definition of ‘old’. The coalition came to power in 2010 for heaven’s sake! To still be blaming the previous tenants for the mess is a bit like: you’re living in a house that a tornado (that travelled in from America) has ripped to bits, and has left a pile of rubble in the middle of the floor. The owners make a good start of cleaning up the mess, carting away the bricks, rebuilding a wall or two, but then new owners come in and, instead of carrying on with the clean-up, want to remodel, so start knocking down the new walls and begin to add to the pile of waste. They spend a huge amount of money but the mess remains largely untouched, in fact, they put up red rope around the pile, inviting people to look at it, “the mess left by Labour” like a piece of modern art in the living room. While in the same period of time, the neighbour’s houses on either side have already been rebuilt and have appeared in Better Homes magazine May edition, while the rebuilders of this home congratulate each other on the newly painted front door.

The tune really does have to change, darling, or in time to come MPs will be going on about the mess left behind by the previous government’s clean-up of the mess left behind by the previous government’s clean-up of the mess left behind by Labour. And seeing as it’s become the stock answer to every question put to you in Parliament, even Mr Speaker is starting to lose his rag a bit.

Well, perhaps the good news will put that old phrase to bed for good and we can start trying to wean you off “the people who want to work hard and get on”. No? Oh well, we can’t have everything. 

Katy Anchant


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