17th July 2013


My sweet summer pudding,

No sooner has the benefit cap been rolled out and already Giddy is taking about lowering it, perhaps by another £6,000. Good for him. Of course, with the bulk of these benefits going directly into the pockets of comparatively rich landlords, it means the cap will only affect what’s left for food and bills after the rent’s been paid, thereby not harming the decent “working” folk in the least. That’ll get the riff raff out of all the nice areas. And if, like in the areas where Universal Credit are being trialled, the money isn’t going straight to the landlord, all those who signed tenancy agreements with these wasters will finally have cause to evict their scrounging butts. It’s all good.

Today I also read that Conservative party chairman Grant Shapps (what a wonderfully inebriated name) wants to cap child-related benefits at two children. He says it would “put them in the same position as working parents who cannot afford to have large families.” Quite right too. Although he may be forgetting that the majority of beneficiaries are actually working people. Even disregarding that fact, he is also assuming that people won’t ever be made redundant and find themselves in long periods of unemployment through no fault of their own. (Although the chances of that happening in this fine Tory-led country are remote, aren’t they?) I’m sure he wasn’t suggesting that if parents of more than two children were to suddenly lose their jobs, the third or fourth child could just be fed to the other two. Well, it was an article for the Daily Mail so I wouldn’t rule out anything.

You see, according to the readership of the Daily Mail, and according to the majority of your supporters, there are only two kinds of people in this country; those that pay their taxes and those that don’t. The fact that almost all of the ones that DON’T at some point DID is beside the point. Just because you may have worked in Rumblelows when you were seventeen, doesn’t mean you’re entitled to anything now. If you don’t pay tax, then you’re not ‘entitled’ to ANYTHING. Come to think of it, if you’re paying tax, then you’re in work, so, actually, you don’t need it. It’s an irrelevant system. Get rid of it! Oh, I see, you’re already doing that.

Did I mention that you’re entirely wonderful?

Katy Anchant


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