26 June 2013


My gorgeous, shining Head,

It’s been reported that you’re already making plans for sole government should Nick begin making plans to leave the Coalition. Apparently, should you and Clegg ‘divorce’, then you get to keep the house and kids. Well, it is only fair. You are Prime Minister, after all. But apparently, even if Nick decides to leave, it is still unlikely he would withdraw his support for austerity which, even after years of pretty decisive proof that it hasn’t worked, would be like him still paying maintenance. I thought it a bit unusual that should the Coalition fail you just get handed the keys like that. One would think there would be another election or something, but hey, no-one voted for Gordon Brown. Come to think of it, you yourself only managed 36% of the vote last time. It’s a good job the system is so utterly warped in your favour. Hee hee.

I’m also glad to still see your Ed on the ‘opposition’ party supporting the Tory plans for the new budget cuts in 2015. It means that no matter whether it’s Labour or the Conservatives in power after election night, your policies will just continue as planned and the only difference will be whether it’s done with you in Whitehall or with you on a beach in the Seychelles.

Already, the pay freezes and job cuts heading up to 2015, according to calculations, will drive some 180,000 children of public sector parents into poverty which would really help to drive the transfer of wealth from public to private hands, for the good of all. Well, at least for the good of all big business. Hooray for you.

And what’s with all the fuss about you having a ‘vanity photographer’? You’re David Cameron! People should be following you around with cameras constantly. I’d stalk you any day. 😉 Do give them the night off when you have me round though, won’t you darling.

Katy Anchant


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