4th June 2013
My darling Dave,
I’m afraid I’ve had a few days of printer problems and have been unable to write to you as much as I normally do. I have been trying to keep up with the news though, as I couldn’t really last a day without seeing your parliamentary self, proclaiming common sense and fairness in the face of so much nonsense recently. I was slightly shocked when I saw the story from The Daily Mail about a sensational secret love affair that rocked Downing Street as I really haven’t told a soul about you and me, darling, I promise. But I don’t think we have anything to worry about. Most people are assuming the love affair is between Michael Gove and Michael Gove. Phew.
As a distraction tactic, I must say, the ‘love affair’ story that no-one seems to know anything about, isn’t doing much. However, the Woolwich murder, the same-sex marriage bill and EU critics seem to be doing a good job of keeping everyone’s eye off the flatlining economy, the victimisation of the poor and the sick, the dismantling of the NHS and the justice system and the escalating protests against the government which are now happening almost every weekend. It’s certainly helping distract from that hunger striking scrounger George Rolph, who is probably going to die in protest of the DWP and Atos. I shouldn’t think there’s much to worry about though. The number of people who have died as a direct result of their targets and tactics already number in the tens of thousands – one more shouldn’t make much of a difference.
I was gladdened to hear that former Archbishop, Lord Carey, thinks that the new same sex marriage bill will effectively redefine marriage to eventually include incest and polygamy. While the incest thing is perhaps a bit of a stretch, I don’t really see the objection to polygamy. By polygamy, I hope this would also include polyandry because I for one would relish a second or even third husband. This way we could truly be together, my lover. I’d have a PM husband, a look-after-my-kids husband, a drive-me-places husband and one that could just get me tea. I knew you had an ulterior motive there other than distraction, you crafty little devil.