20th May 2013


20th May 2013

My sweet pork bun,

Darling, I’m not hurt that I didn’t hear from you on my birthday yesterday as I know you have a hundred and one things to contend with right now, not least of which is that same-sex marriage bill that’s heading back into the Commons to be debated. And, if you pardon my French, what a pain in the arse.

Half of your party originally voted against it last time and now 34 of your own have written a letter to urge you to withdraw (oo-er). They feel you’ve lost touch with the “grass-roots of Conservatism”. And I, for one darling, must say I agree. You see, this bill represents much farther reaching issues than whether Adam and Steve are allowed a gift list at Habitat. No, this bill represents something a lot bigger; something that the Tories have fought against throughout history: equality.

I’ve said it before, if we were all “equal”, then who is going to make my coffee? Me? Society would come to an absolute standstill. Imagine: teachers not turning up for lessons because they want to be seen as intellectual equals to the supreme cerebral powerhouse that is Michael Gove; or nurses saying they’re not prepared to give one more sponge bath to an invalid until they’re paid at least the same per hour as the vending machine in the hallway.

The world needs coffee, sponge baths and lesson plans. The world needs inequality. With only about 6 percent of the UK population assumed to be gay, this equates to only about 40 MPs. It is hardly going to win back a huge amount of UKIP defectors. You have to ask yourself whether this is a fight you need right now, my love.  I do think you ought to concentrate on more important stuff.

Like what to get me as a belated birthday present. 😉

Katy Anchant


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