10th May 2013




10th May 2013

My currant bun,

I’ve been thinking a little more about the wonderful new bills you put forward in the state opening a couple of days ago; the changes you want implemented that will make real differences to ordinary people’s lives: like alleviating the day-to-day stress brought on by having regulations on our businesses, like raising our quality of life by sorting out the laws on patenting, like easing our financial burden by making sure we have corporate competition in our water supply. While all this is terribly important, I just wanted to make a couple of my own suggestions but in keeping with the concept of urgency and need:

– Ketchup: Ketchup packets that they dole out in places like McDonalds are entirely too small. Two or three French fries and they’re gone. It’s pointless and wasteful. Triple the size and write it into law. I would suggest making that an EU directive too.
– Umbrellas: In this age of advanced technology, it makes no sense to me that umbrellas are still so seventeenth century that they are not wind resistant. Invest in the technology and upgrade as soon as you possibly can. You can take a couple of million from the nuclear weapons program. As far as I’m aware, nuclear war is still a pretty obscure prospect, no matter what UKIP think.
– Water collecting: In several states in America, including Washington, it is actually illegal to collect rainwater. As the weather gets hotter and the UK hosepipe bans start to come into force, the yoghurt weaving tree-huggers will start installing water butts thereby taking away revenue from the very companies that you’re trying to enrich with your Water Bill. Outlaw it now.
– Companies that require you to log-in online must, from now on, tell you if it’s the Password OR the Username that’s wrong. Already 20% of the UK population would be unable to log in to the Universal Credit system, imagine the confusion the current system would be to all the newbies who are told one of fields is wrong. End this travesty now!

Also, you really need to sort out these blasted paparazzi who are incessantly chasing after these poor MPs. I can’t see a problem with them making vast profits on taxpayer funded second homes. I do that almost every week and you don’t see anyone whinging at me.

Katy Anchant


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