3rd May 2013



3rd May 2013

My little devilled egg,

I know these are just mid-term elections, darling, so I wouldn’t take it too seriously when UKIP take a quarter of all the votes. After all, they’re even more Tory than you are, so it does, believe it or not, still mean the electorate are behind your basic Tory tenets of deregulation, privatisation, and helping the rich, except they just don’t know it. Would it really be so bad to have that Farage character finishing your job for you, darling, freeing you up to enjoy: (if UKIP get in) your new lower 40p tax rate, your fully privatised NHS (that will no longer be free at the point of care), your cigar in your favourite restaurant, your annual fox hunt, and your business interests not bound by the European Convention of Human Rights?

Anyway, this is all worst case scenario, my love, the UKIP vote is a protest vote gone wrong in my humble opinion. I know old Nigel is saying this is not the case but when people are asked why they voted UKIP, they don’t say anything about policy (save something about immigrants who, after all, can be blamed for almost everything), they say that they just don’t like anybody else and that UKIP ought to be “given a chance.”

But I do also think it’s a protest against your long-established, hardy and exclusive “Eton/Westminster” oligarchy, which is ultimately controlled by multinational corporations. You see, links to wealthy private corporations have yet to be publicly attributed to Nigel Cabbage, whereas it is a well-known fact that your office was purchased by big business, and conflicts of interest in the Cabinet (incidentally, the number of which could sink a small ship) have to unfortunately be declared, which is why it would’ve perhaps been  a wise move to include your wife’s shareholding in a company planning a massive housing development, whose parent company is part-owned by your father-in-law, whose partner has let slip that the proposed changes you’re making to planning laws will greatly benefit his company and all of its stakeholders.

Oops, darling.

Katy Anchant


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