28th March 2013




28th March 2013

Oh captain, my captain,

I do despair of IDS sometimes. He’s earned himself yet another alias; “Iain Don’t-half-talk Shit” with the declaration “I am not actually cutting welfare.” He tried to then qualify that statement by pointing the finger across the water saying, “if you were in Ireland, THEY are cutting welfare.” I see he has yet to move on from the Tory handbook “If You Can’t Defend Your Position, Make Something Up.”

Now where I don’t doubt that Ireland are indeed cutting welfare, surely the plebs already realise that he’s been doing it too. I mean, the man is heckled wherever he goes by crutch-waving scroungers. Please, someone tell him the cat’s out of the bag. In fact, the “bedroom tax” alone has been so heavily criticised by absolutely everybody, the cat’s not just out of the bag, it’s running down the street, looting the nearest Poundland, and hopping the 221 bus to Turnpike Lane. And when, in a few days’ time, around 660,000 people see a drop in their monthly housing benefit of around £60, and when around 100,000 of them fall into arrears and start getting eviction notices, I think they might get an inkling that IBS may have been telling a little untruth.

I’m sorry, I’m just a little frustrated that you and your boys have to lie in order for the masses to see what a better world you’re trying to create. I do monitor the ‘laptavists’ for you daily, my love, while dunking my Digestives in my tea, and unfortunately I can see the lies slowly unravelling – for example “you can’t spend your way out of a deficit” (more and more people are calling this statement horsemeat as the OPPOSITE has unfortunately been overwhelmingly true); and of course, the old reliable, “the mess left by Labour” (this one seems to be getting on people’s wick a bit now because apparently Labour did actually manage to SHRINK the debt THEY inherited from the previous Tory government to the lowest point it had been since well before they took over, right up until the global financial crisis, which they didn’t cause, by the way), – so I’m just saying be careful, my darling. And tell Iain to keep an eye out too. A solid NHS walking stick can leave a nasty bruise.

Katy Anchant


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