22nd March 2013

22nd March 2013

Pudding face!

You know, I don’t think I give Giddy enough credit. He’s such a resourceful little man. He’s actually made the forecast for the deficit sound positive; at least for the next two years. This is despite billions of unplanned extra borrowing and the economic growth forecast halving. Halving! It truly was an Easter budget because he seems to have performed a miracle of almost New Testament proportions.

I do hope that people don’t get wind of the fact that he’s delaying vital payments and cashing receipts in early, all to bring the deficit figure into EXACTLY THE MINIMUM needed to count as a reduction. I suddenly think he’s frightfully clever. I take back everything I’ve ever said about his mathematical skills. And at the same time, he’s managed to make it easier for people to borrow vast amounts of money, drink beer and speculate on the markets. Hooray! I can see another boom just around the corner. Can’t you, darling?

Might I suggest for the next Budget – as we already have the ‘bedroom tax’ and, as it’s common knowledge that all the plebs do is sit around all day watching Bargain Hunt – we introduce a widescreen telly tax. You could give TV inspectors new measuring-tape responsibilities and take a pound off their ill-gotten benefits for every inch of telly they own. That’ll raise millions, surely.

Ooh, and you could double the tax for a second TV. You could call it the “spare telly subsidy”.

You really need to give me a job, darling.  Really, really.

Katy Anchant

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