13th March 2013

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/bedroom-tax-now-duncan-smith-offers-concessions-to-foster-carers-and-armed-forces-parents-8531359.html

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/9926045/David-Cameron-abandons-plans-for-minimum-alcohol-price.html

13th March 2013

Hello, onion.

You’re “U-turn”ing again, darling – always a lovely sight 😉 – but always great fodder for the opposition and that Mr Potato Ed. But to be honest, I’m glad you’ve decided not to raise the price of alcohol after all, after opposition from Theresa and Michael, who, to be honest, just want to oppose you on everything these days because, let’s face it, they want your job. Though, who would vote for those faces? – not even their own mothers I would wager. Oh well, on the bright side, it was estimated that the price rise could’ve prevented some 2,000 pleb deaths. Yay.

And the “bedroom tax” has been amended, I see. Bravo. By Iain making exceptions for foster carers and armed forces, I think people can drop that awful moniker he’d been given recently of “Iain Doesn’t-Give-A-Shit”, because, quite clearly, he does. He’s smartly and quite correctly recognised that soldiers and foster children exist. Good for him.

For the other 230,000 affected disabled, well, I was thinking about how they could raise the extra cash themselves. Seeing as so many of them have those mobility scooters (well at least the ones that Iain didn’t repossess), how about some sort of racing event? They could be sponsored by Stannah or Maclaren, and they could be suped-up to go at… I dunno, more than the eight miles per hour that they do now, and have TV deals and endorsements and online betting. The benefits are limitless.

Could you get me in touch with your former employers at ITV, darling? I could really turn Friday nights around: Mobility Scooter Grand Prix, followed by Come Drink with Me, headlined by I’m an Immigrant, Get Me Out of Here.

You really need me in Parliament, darling. You really do.

Katy Anchant

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