9th March 2013
My sweet fruit cake,
Oh, who’s been a naughty boy again?
I know it’s difficult to concede a point to that wethead, Milliband, a mere amateur debater compared to your mass, but, darling, as I’ve said before, you can’t just tell porkies to win an argument, especially now you know it’s not just me that checks up on you anymore.
As soon as you said parents with severely disabled children would be exempt from the bedroom tax – sorry I meant the ‘spare room subsidy’ – as well as any disabled people in need of round the clock care, my in-box exploded with hopeful ‘disabled’ friends wondering how best they could further incapacitate themselves or their offspring in order to be eligible for said exemptions. They called me saying, “Katy, Katy, please tell me your darling is speaking the truth!” This led me to contact the DWP who told me; no, children have to share rooms, disabled or not, and disabled adults are just as liable if their carer is also their spouse, which is usually the case. I could just imagine the look on their poor little disabled faces when I had to say no, you’d made it all up just to shut up Ed CillitBang.
What with that little fib about paying the debt down in your Party Political Broadcast, the OBR accusing you of misrepresenting them, the Public Accounts Committee accusing you of choosing “headlines over hard facts”, in terms of being honest, it’s not been the best year for you darling. I mean, it’s one thing to be accused of lying, but to be accused of lying by other politicians? Especially by ones of your own party. That really takes some doing. You do have to be careful. Your mentor Blair has become “Bliar” for all eternity because of his affinity for bending the truth and I really don’t want you to be remembered as “Scameron”. One of my disappointed ‘disabled’ friends has even started to call you… and please try not to be offended, she was terribly upset at having her hopes dashed… that “David ugly-lying-thieving-hateful Cameron”. So awful isn’t it? And so totally untrue.
You’re not ugly.