6th March 2013
Hello my little snuggle bunny,
I noticed today that you’ve had to tell off those naughty boys and girls for trying to deflect cuts away from their own departments and back on to welfare, and not being too subtle about it either. I’m glad you told them to give it a rest. At least for a couple of weeks. I bet they run around like children all day causing you all kinds of headaches, well apart from that Pickles character. He isn’t running anywhere very fast, apart from to the canteen or the biscuit storage facility. Great use of the word ‘Nimbyism’ by the way – I bet Theresa doesn’t even know what it means.
Anyway, I digress. Your PR skills in this instance are unsurpassed, my love; convincing the plebs you’re doing them a favour by not kicking them when they’re down. You may even win back a few votes. People have very short memories and I’m sure they won’t blame you for the bedroom tax, the Atos debacle or workfare, (IBS is taking most of the heat on those, poor thing J) and The Sun will always be there to remind everyone how EVIL and FECKLESS and LAZY and DISHONEST benefit claimants are.
Why oh why can’t life be like Dickens? The good old days, when the scum knew their place, and if they didn’t, you could give them a sound thrashing! A world where the damned internet wasn’t around to get them all ‘shouty’. Poor Sue Ryder, withdrawing from workfare because they got so many laptop activists whinging at them. (I mean, it’s not like the workfarers who adored their placements there could… you know… volunteer any other way). And your secret NHS regulation to open up all health services to private bidders is apparently going to have to be re-written now as it became a bit not-so-secret-anymore. (Sorry, I do feel partly responsible.)
The previous government said they were going to eradicate poverty in the UK. I just know that where they failed, you will succeed. A few more years in office and there won’t be a poor soul left. Talking of Dickens, to quote from the legendary Lionel Bart, “I’d do anything for you, dear, anything”. Anyway, I must leave you now my love. Got to gaze longingly at your photo.