13th February 2013
Oh Dave, Dave, Dave,
Your dream of the eradication of the public sector is coming a step closer!
I heard about the leaked memo last week, that revealed Michael Gove was planning an outright privatisation of all academies and free schools, turning them all into profit-making entities, and while that got me excited, I thought, well, that’s not going to be enough, there’s not that many academies out there? But then I read in the Independent this morning that since the election, the number of secondary school academies has gone from a measly 200 to a whopping 3,000. And that your Michael is bribing schools up to £65,000 each to convert.
Of course, it’s only the highest performing schools that are allowed to convert and be eligible to all that lovely state funding, and then, if his plans come to fruition, eventually become only available to the rich. The ordinary pleb schools will continue in much the same way they are, subject to the same cuts in public spending, unfair working wages and growing classroom headcounts, but that’s fine, we’ll always need people to empty our bins and pick up our laundry – but can you imagine it, sweetie? – a country dotted with Etons and Oxbridges, churning out the leaders of tomorrow; a gaggle of mini Daves, some eagerly stepping into graduate Parliamentary roles, their superior educations and life of conspicuous privilege preparing them fully for their future roles in government.
While some have argued that someone like this cannot possibly know what life is like for the “real working people”, therefore cannot fully understand their needs, I tell them to merely look up and see you, Dave, and your shining cabinet, (some more shiny than others) to see a prime example of a leader who understands.
Before I sign off, I just want to say congratulations on getting that glowing report from The Bank of England’s governor who said there was “cause for optimism”. It was very amusing though, seeing his nervous glances around the room during the speech, as if he was expecting sniper fire. Was that your doing? You’re so mischievous. 😉