12th February 2013


12th February 2013

Cutie pie,

I am so upset about the workfare thing!  How dare that jumped up little pleb call to question all of Iain’s wonderful ideas?  I mean, sure, she is a geology graduate who was already doing voluntary work at a museum, but cleaning floors in Poundland is way better experience than that, and besides which, if she continues to work voluntarily then she will continue to be a scrounger, costing the tax payer millions upon millions of pounds.  Millions!

Darling, please, tell me that Iain is not too upset?  Surely you could just sneak in a change to the existing legislation and make slavery legal again?  I personally would love a slave (I mean apart from you, you naughty boy!) and I’m confident that lots of others would agree with me.  As for these Proletariat who are going to try and claim back their stripped benefits, I have, as ever, a solution for you!  You know how HMV wouldn’t honour gift vouchers when they went into administration?  Well, if you go into administration you hopefully wouldn’t have to repay the closed-curtain plebs their unlawfully removed benefits. Right?

Anyway, I will leave that in your capable hands my darling, but could you send me along an applied science graduate to change my sheets and plump my pillows once you get this whole debacle legalised?  I do like to keep my bed sumptuous and inviting, after all.

Katy Anchant


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