6th February 2013
Hello my little love trumpet,
I am so glad you’re starting to look yourself again. I’m half thinking it was your hairdresser giving you his best effort after the victory you won for him yesterday. It’s a shame it now has to go to the House of Lords where they’ll no doubt cut it up, mince it and digest it before passing it. I wouldn’t count on them being too ‘down’ with the changing attitudes of the day. What’s their average age? Ninety-four?
Anyway, I saw PM’s Questions today of course, as you know I’m always moist with anticipation of seeing you be all Parliamentarian. (Swoon). I noticed your liberal use of the manual: Blame Labour 2.0. You ought to be careful though, darling. You wouldn’t want people to think that that’s your only argument or prompt people to actually look up Labour’s record when it comes to economic growth in comparison to the Coalition’s. You wouldn’t want people to discover that their spending produced a significant drop in the unemployment rate year on year; that economic growth grew as a result of spending, or that productivity levels improved too. But then, people are stupid aren’t they? I shouldn’t think it will be that long before you convince them that the global financial crisis was Gordon Brown’s fault – or even better, that the economic problems in the UK actually had nothing to do with the rest of the world, it was just Labour’s insistence on giving money away to lazy plebs.
Incidentally, tell Gideon that the £64bn additional borrowing forecast by the IFS shouldn’t cause him embarrassment. Everybody makes mistakes, Dave, and it should be clear by now that he’s simply not making enough cuts. Even though I don’t love him nearly as much as I love you, I do have a special place in my heart for him, poor bumbling man. ❤
Of course, as long as those pesky Argies keep whinging on about the Falklands, it’s going to be difficult to drill out any of that lovely gloopy, money-making oil that could so help Giddy to stop making you look like an ogre. And, let’s face it, the Islanders need to learn that self-determination was only an illusion anyway, (I mean, you wouldn’t dream of letting UK plebs determine THEIR own future, or we’d have millions of pop stars and footballers taking hard drugs all over the place and sleeping with prostitutes) and their only use is in planting the flag to keep the wallahs away from our oil, right? Yes. Excellent. *tents fingers*
As ever, your biggest cheerleader. Give me a C… !