31st January 2013
Oh Dave, Dave, DAVE!
Sweetie, you really mustn’t be so blatant about the fibs you tell. On Prime Minister’s Questions you said that the EU, OCED and IMF believe Britain will have the fastest growth of any major economy this year and yet The Times said just a few days ago that “the IMF slashed its UK forecast for UK growth by 0.3 percentage points, the biggest downgrade for a leading economy except Japan,” and it also warned against “spending cuts to an already weakened economy.” Darling, you know, people do read the news.
Having said that, I can see why you took the chance on bending the truth with that one, because of course most of the plebs and Proles won’t look it up at all, but instead will fall at your feet in gratitude for increasing our chances of success in the global race (far more important than the human race). I would suggest further cuts, though, as there is still a hardcore sect of working families, feckless scroungers and “disabled” people who are still somewhat up in arms about it all, and the quicker you can show them you mean business, the better. (Perhaps a signed photograph or a statue in your image might help, darling?)
I digress. Dave, the fibbing really must stop, as any fool can look up data on the internet, and do let Brandon Lewis know that he’s been rumbled too. He said “under the last administration more tax payers’ money was being spent on benefits than on defence, education and health combined,” but, well, I mean, that’s just an outright lie darling. Even counting pensions, it’s still less than NHS spending on its own. Maybe you should do away with the NHS entirely so that he can be proved right? Is he a robot, too? If so, I think you should uninstall “Make It Up On The Spot 3.4” and roll back the software to “Tory Spin 1.1,” as TP 1.1, although deprecated, has far less bugs in it.
Still, I will leave it up to you darling. What was it that Nazi propagandist once said? If you repeat a lie often enough, it becomes the truth.