29th January 2013
Hello you handsome devil,
Oh dear, just when you thought you’d fixed him, “Nick Clegg” has gone funny again. Ed must’ve come along and fiddled with him. It seems his “austerity is bad” sub-routine is gone, but his “boundary change is bad” application was still running in the background. But I suppose if he’d done a u-turn on this as well, people really would start to get suspicious. It’s a good job you didn’t take him out to have pizza with the gang the other day, the melted cheese would’ve fried his circuits. Besides, you need to keep him plugged in once in a while – we wouldn’t want his battery running out mid-sentence.
Of course, I do understand how the boundary change would be beneficial for you darling, with some sources saying it would greatly increase your chances for re-election. Of course, I hope you’re still telling them it’s so you want to make the vote fairer and more representative. (When we both know that if that were the case, you’d have mentioned the alternative voting method suggested by the Lib Dems, but let’s hope the plebs have forgotten about that one, eh). Anyway, it was worth a try, but as your spokesperson said, the “arithmetic looks pretty difficult.”
Numbers aren’t really your party’s strong suit, these days. Oh well, at least you still have fabulous hair, darling.
Your favourite LTB,