25th January 2013

25th January 2013

TFIF darling,

I see those damned number crunchers are back again, the Office of National Statistics. I told you to get rid of them. But I suppose they do occasionally come up with numbers that can be spun into something positive. However this time it seems all the experts seem to have taken the view that there is nothing positive about this latest update. But as I said yesterday, Gideon shouldn’t give up. However, he probably shouldn’t say so publicly how he believes abandoning the plan of austerity will lose him “credibility”. To be honest, Dave, he loses credibility whenever he opens his mouth. He should really be replaced by a more charming replicant like you did with Nick, who, incidentally is malfunctioning again. First he says he doesn’t agree with the whole EU situation you’ve created and then he says you were also wrong about the cuts. Find that subservient microchip and get it back in his head!

Sometimes I do despair of the people. If only they understood you, Dave. They think you’ve somehow trashed the institute of Democracy, but all you’ve done is repeat a very established pattern of government that is tried and true:

–   you tell the people what they want to hear;

–   the people vote for you;

–   you come to power and you do the exact opposite of everything you just said,

–   and then you get on with helping the people, albeit in ways they can’t really comprehend.

It’s called tough love, Dave. I, for one, understand.

Democracy? Does a child choose its own parents? A child doesn’t KNOW what’s good for them. Give them a choice and they’d have Coco Pops for breakfast lunch and dinner. You see, you have to be cruel to be kind. If they believe themselves to not be good at exams, you take away all the other established means of assessment, and you know what? They will suddenly GET good at exams.

If they believe themselves unable to work, take away their food and their home and you know what? They’ll find that part of themselves that thrives in the face of adversity and they’ll one day be running their own fitness franchise. If they believe they have difficulty walking 50 metres? Take away their specially adapted mobility equipment, (but, of course, you give them the chance to buy it back from you, I mean, you’re not completely without compassion) and you know what? They will find it in themselves to one day put on skates and sail that 50 metres. This is what you’re doing for them, Dave; giving them the means to help themselves by taking away their means to walk properly. Cruel to be kind, Dave.

Cruel to be kind, you sweet, kind, altruistic, misunderstood man.

Katy Anchant


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