22nd January 2013
Dave, Dave, Dave,
Oh, Dave. What are we to do? Your net approval ratings! Gosh, it’s even been suggested that some of your own chaps may have written letters of no confidence in you! Darling, I would have to say that I feel like I am on a sinking ship, as even the followers I have gained who all once agreed how handsome and wonderful you are, are now saying that it seems you want the very shirt off their backs what with all the austerity and cuts. I keep trying to explain to them how all of us are having to tighten our purse strings in these difficult times, but it is getting harder and harder to keep them on board. I do remind them that as paupers they should make the largest sacrifices, as they have the least to lose, but they just punch me in the face and steal my caviar.
Dave, I think it might help if you do a speech about your own financial position. I have a horrible suspicion that you, too, have to send your children to school without any breakfast what with your disgraceful low wage, darling, and I think if the plebs can be reminded of how we are all in this together your chances of winning the next election may increase to, say, 15%.
Incidentally, I do hope you’ve got lots of fabulous workfare placements set up for the thousands of soldiers who are due to be fired over the next four years. What with all that training and experience I bet they would be a dab hand at stacking shelves in Tesco’s.
Thinking of you always, poppet.