21st January 2013
Light of my life, flower of my heart, apple of my eye, I must apologise for my absence on Saturday. I know how much you look forward to hearing from me. I had a very busy day what with some of my scrounger friends needing my help, complaining that they had nothing to eat, had no electricity due to having no money, due to having their benefits taken away, and were snowed in. There’s no-one that bad off in our Great Britain, surely. People will make up anything these days to get handouts, eh Dave?
Which reminds me, you missed that debate about Atos, that French IT company that’s been carrying out the Work Capability Assessments. I know you were dealing with that hostage crisis at that oil company, so sadly missed all the sob stories of all the people dying after having their benefits stopped. But it’s okay, I think your team batted really well without you. They merely had to mention the statistics; that the people on benefits are dropping like flies – sorry I meant the NUMBERS of people on benefits, of course, is dropping. ‘Not fit for purpose’ was the phrase bandied around by the opposition. Well, OF COURSE it’s fit for purpose, it’s designed to get people off benefits. And it’s been incredibly effective. The fact that around 43% of those kicked off benefits are still without an income a year later just means they must not have needed it in the first place as they’re still alive, aren’t they? Some of them.
My heart, my soul, my entire being, forever yours,