18th January 2013
My poor baby,
Sweetie, I am deeply concerned about you. I was reading the excerpts from your planned EU speech and you’ve made a huge mistake in it. You mentioned that “decisions taken further and further away from them (meaning us) mean their living standards are slashed through enforced austerity”. Darling, you do realise that you’re talking to British people, not Greek people, right?
Ah, hang on; this is genius Dave! You know the plebs don’t know their arse from their elbow. They might just believe that austerity is the EU’s doing and not poor Gideon’s! Although I hope this propaganda doesn’t work too well as I know you don’t want us to leave the EU. Regardless, it will certainly cast enough doubt among the useless eaters and workshy scroungers to perhaps increase your chances of being re-elected.
Phew. It took me a while to figure out what you were doing there, you loveable scallywag! Well played, my beloved. Well played.