17th January 2013
Coochie-coo, suet pudding,
I was just browsing the news sites this afternoon, (you know how I like to keep up to date on what your pals think of you) and found a little article on the Audit Commission. You know – that annoying, interfering, expensive quango that sees to it that you’re spending public money properly. Well, apparently, word’s just got ‘round that you abolished it last year. Frankly, I’m surprised at you, Dave. I thought you would’ve done that back in 2010 when you got rid of all the others. I guess with the destruction of all those two hundred-odd groups, you must’ve forgotten about that one. Not your fault though, you do have enough to think about these days.
Whose big idea was it anyway that government ought to be held accountable to anyone anyway? It was probably all those crowd-pleasing, soft-bellied generations of predecessors of yours. Now would be a good time, I think, to get rid of any more of them that are out there. For one thing, those bloody statisticians (who get paid to count things!) who keep reminding the public of all those numbers. Those useless and frankly misleading numbers that suggest spending is up, homeless numbers are up, poverty is up, the deficit’s getting worse, disabled people are dying, etc. You and your boys can only do so much, sweetie-poo. Get those number crunchers fired.
Anyway, I know I’m distracting you from all sorts of important things, although I’m sorry to hear that you’re going to miss your trip to Holland. I hear there are many ways to de-stress there. I tried it once myself, but I didn’t inhale, and I did not have sexual relations with that woman.