15th January 2013
I’m so sorry to hear about that malfunctioning robot “Nick Clegg” getting together with Ed to stop this boundary change review. What happened? Did you lose his microchip? Congratulations on not letting it get you down, though. What better way to cheer yourself up than cutting the pay of those privileged plebs, the police force. I mean all they do is accuse MPs of calling them names, then sit back on their useless derrieres, knowing they can’t get fired. I know you’ve already secretly privatised loads of what they already do (yay!), and some falls to G4S again, but they’ll get it right this time I’m sure. Coming up with this ‘independent’ Winsor Report was a massive stroke of luck, Dave!
Between you and me, is this “Tim Winsor” a pseudonym, or, better yet, another one of your secret R&D department’s robots? Getting a recommendation from an independent report is genius if you want to cut £4,000 from their starting salaries. Also recommending new powers that will enable the forcible retirement of any one of them is a step in the right direction too, I think, especially if you’re replacing them with private sector employees. Yes, I know they don’t have all the training, but really, how much ‘skill’ is really involved in beating on a hoodie?
We know it works too, darling, because it’s already working with ambulance crews working transfers. If a patient was to have a heart attack or stroke en route, you don’t really need the added skills and training to deal with it, you just get that electricky thingy and zap them, then do that CPR thing like they do in Casualty, right?