7th January 2013

7th January 2013

My sweetie,

How exciting that you got “Nick Clegg” out of the cupboard for a joint press conference!  What a shame though that he seems to be malfunctioning, as it seems that he is daring to disagree with a few of your ideas.  Of course scroungers should be portrayed as scroungers.  That’s what they are! Thank goodness he’s backing the 1% rise in benefits though.  This will mean an additional 70p per week for job seekers as opposed to a massive £2.10 odd in the event of a 3% rise.  As far as I’m concerned these lazy plebs should have a 3% reduction in benefits.  What a great way to discourage them from buying too many 3D televisions.

Talking of job seekers, you must be terribly embarrassed by this ESG debacle.  I mean, £73m in contracts to find people work, and yet they have one job vacancy on their website for a salon assistant.  I first read about them a couple of weeks ago, and have revisited the site today to find that the job hasn’t yet been filled.  Have they had no applicants yet?  I’ve been thinking about this actually and I have a proposal.  If you give me £73m I can guarantee to create at least three paid jobs and find workfare placements for at least a million disabled people.

Let me know your thoughts darling.

Katy Anchant

 

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