31st December 2012
Almost immediately after I had given my carrier pigeon Saturday’s letter to you I was appalled to find out that “Nick Clegg” might actually be a real person after all. What isn’t clear to me, though, is what on Earth he’s talking about, because of course you want to look after the super-rich. Surely all of the plebs know their place by now. I personally was brought up to respect and revere my richers (like elders, but richer), and I don’t need to tell you, Dave, how much I adore you. ❤
Besides which, everybody knows that it was the poor who caused the whole “deficit” in the first place with their fraudulent Tax Credits claims and scrounging ways. Iain should come down far harder on these career criminals. I myself am paying back over £2,000, but I do want to reassure you, Dave, that this actually was an error on the part of the Tax Credits office, and I am more than happy to be doing my bit to decrease our debt, because I, too, want to help us win the global race.
What a rousing New Year speech, incidentally, and bravo, Dave for not getting cross. My own speech would have gone something like this: “Disabled people, get better because you’re getting sanctioned, bitches.”
Happy New Year to you, my darling.
Your favourite bitch,