26th December 2012
Are you wearing your Santa hat? I do hope you had an utterly wonderful Christmas day, and I am confident that as a homage to austerity you ate a Lidl turkey crown and a can of Tesco Value peas, with only a couple of bottles of cheap plonk from Londis (I’m still SO looking forward to the prices of alcohol going up – another great way to stop these bloody scroungers spending all of their benefits on beer).
I myself lived it up no end, as did all of my “disabled” friends. Even the ones who have sanctions on their benefits at the moment just dipped into their offshore accounts for champagne, eggnog and Courvoisier brandy butter. Let me tell you, it was a huge party of debauchery and excess. (I do hope you’re going to stop these bloody foodbanks handing out caviar and cigars. It’s just not on while you and your buddies have barely a pot to piss in.)
Speaking of which, I was reading just today about the 100% rise in parliamentary staff who earn over £100,000 per year since you took over, but also of the huge dip overall in the wages bill. Dominic Raab has described this as “astonishing”, but I can’t see why. Everybody knows that your friends who have been hired on £100k are three times as effective as some old pleb working on £30k. Reading between the lines it is easy to see that a whole bunch of lazy Proles have been fired and replaced by streamlined £100k earners who are doing the job of many at a fraction of the cost. You really must give me a job one of these days. I am prepared to work for £80,000 per year, plus expenses of course.
Verily I declare,