11th December 2012

11th December 2012

Most handsomest Dave,

Poor Maria.  Why are the papers harping on about yet more expenses?  I’ll tell you my theory.  It’s because they want everyone to feel cross all of the time, not only at those workshy bastards who are totally responsible for the “deficit” in the first place, but nowadays seemingly also at MPs, the backbone of our very society.  Why?  Why oh why, Dave?  There are so many stories about your chums claiming too much money and dodging tax, and in my opinion it simply can’t go on.  Everybody knows how important it is for you, George and all of your other friends to have a few little perks.  I would very much like it if the papers would continue to talk about benefit scroungers and bloody well let you get on with your jobs.  Sometimes I think that nobody knows your pain, Dave, apart from me.  ❤

The thing is though, Dave, that I know it’s not strictly allowed, but I will need to put in a claims form for my own Mother’s home too.  She’s lived there for ages, at least six years, and her ceilings need painting.  If I claim that I am living there as it is closer to my children’s school will I be eligible?  I do hope so, because I don’t anticipate the works costing more than £24,000.  Oh, because she does need a paddock, too.

Is that okay, Dave?  I’ll leave it with you, honeybun.

Katy Anchant

PS.  Don’t panic.  The poor are dying off at a comforting rate thanks not only to welfare cuts, but also to all the deadly cannabis they are buying with their ill-gotten benefits.  Hopefully soon there’ll be no one left to complain about expenses.  Yay!


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