3rd December 2012
Forgive me yet another letter of contrition. I’ve been reading about old George’s plans to crack down on tax evasion, and I have to confess something to you. This year I have earnt £55 which I have not declared. £10 of it was thrust upon me by a friend in thanks for helping her with childcare one day, £25 of it was a pair of shoes which I sold on eBay, and £20 of it was a birthday gift. Dave, I am so, so sorry, and in the event that HMRC track me down for my crimes, what amount will I need to pay to them? Could I send the cheque to you instead and claim tax relief on charitable giving? Would £17.50 cover it? If you agree to this I absolutely insist that you use the money to buy yourself something pretty. Perhaps a feather boa or a pair of “Keep Calm and Carry On” pants?
Anyway, aside from my own misdemeanours, (forgive me, I offer myself to you in complete supplication) I’m so glad to hear that these self-employed people will be targeted. What a bunch of tax-evading fiddlers. I bet most of them have done a bit here and there for cash when they are struggling with bills, but you and your pals need that money, or how else will you continue to claim your meagre expenses? I say get HMRC to telephone each and every one of them using lie-detection software and we’ll get to the bottom of this once and for all. But don’t call any multi-national corporations, okay? Shhh.
Your biggest fan,