29th November 2012
University applications have fallen again. Brilliant! Combine this with the falling numbers of people who are migrating to the UK, and suddenly British people have the opportunity to take back the jobs that the bloody foreigners have been stealing from us. You know, the minicab drivers, care workers, street cleaners etc. I would like nothing more than an English person serving me my latte. Rest assured, Dave, that those plonkers who are saying “alarm bells should be ringing” are totally wrong, as what would we do with a nation of well-educated, self-assured, confident people breaking the cycle of poverty? There’d be no one left to clean Nick’s office or deliver pizza, and we couldn’t very well let that happen.
My niece, who is 17 years of age, had hoped to study science at university. Luckily she has been put off the idea by the large amount of debt she would accrue, which is a huge relief to me. I want nothing more than for her to knuckle down, start paying taxes, and stop bloody moaning about the lack of opportunities that she has. Frankly, she’s getting a little too big for her boots, and this may be an occasion when I am forced, with her very best interests at heart, to march her directly to the Job Centre.
I’m totally in love with you, Dave.