20th November 2012
Great minds clearly think alike! Referring back to my letter of yesterday when I asked why access to MP expenses can’t be blocked, I am delighted to read today that so many MPs have been able to conceal details of rental claims for “security” reasons. This is absolutely fantastic news for me, as I am compiling my own expenses at the moment.
The only thing I’m disappointed about is that claiming for mortgage interest is no longer permitted, as this would have saved me around £600 a month. Never mind, though, as I think I have the solution. What I suggest we do is that I rent out my home to one of your colleagues and move into a property that one of them owns instead. That way my mortgage will be more than covered, and whoever rents it will be able to claim back the rental anyway. This way one of your chums will have their mortgage paid when I claim the rent back, and everyone will be happy. I agree it does seem a little incestuous and dishonest, but what do real people know, eh?
If I am to do this, though, then I will have to ask for some money for renovations. Could you please send me the relevant expenses form to claim for the following:
New kitchen: £5,000
New bathroom: £5,000
Pond cleaning: £10 (It is a barrel pond so will be a bargain to clean out!)
Three Chunky Kit-Kats: £1.50
In an act of altruism I will not be claiming for a chimney sweep since I have children. Have a fantastic day, Dave.